Ridonculous Personality Swap
by Balin Lord of Moria
Summary: The contestants from The Ridonculous Race return for a second chance at a million dollars. But on this occasion, Don mixes things, and people, up by programming them (and himself) to switch personalities, to make them walk around in other people's skin for a while. Who will be best at overcoming this predicament, and who will have it worst? Find out on... The Ridonculous Race!


**A/N:** This story is inspired by **The Pessimistic Rainbow's** fanfic, **"The Big Swap,"** a body switch story taking place in Total Drama.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own _Total Drama_ or _The Ridonculous Race_. Teletoon and Fresh TV own them.

* * *

For the second time, Don was standing in front of a historic Toronto train station.

"Toronto, Capital of North America, birth place of funk, where the albino panther roams free," introduced Don. "Below my manly thighs is the Toronto train station, and from here, I am waiting for eighteen teams of two to arrive, that will embark on a Race around the world for a grand prize of one million Canadian dollars, for the second time. I'm your host, Don, and this is… The Ridonculous Race!"

(Opening titles roll)

"On this Ridonculous Race, the returning teams are all in for a fascinating, and amusing, surprise, which, if it works, and it probably will, can make a very unique reality show. But first, let's reintroduce the teams."

* * *

"Carrie and Devin, best friends turned boy/girlfriend."

"It took a long time to get my message through to Devin that I love him," said Carrie, "But now that we're together, and Shelley is out of our lives for good, I think we'll make an even stronger team than before!"

"Yeah," said Devin, "I put Shelley in the past at last, and now she won't distract me from working as a team with Carrie."

Carrie squealed. "That's so sweet, Devin!"

They kissed.

* * *

"Kelly and Taylor, Mother and Daughter."

"Hopefully, Mom will not get in my way again," said Taylor, "Because I wanna win this time."

"Taylor," said Kelly, "Are you ever going to let go of that grudge, or do I have to-"

"NO," Taylor interrupted, "And your warnings and threats have no effect on me, because I have Daddy on my side, and it's two against one. So do me a favor and stop being the 'cool Mom.'"

Kelly glared at her daughter.

* * *

"Crimson and Ennui, Goth youths with more than their share of creepiness about them."

Crimson and Ennui were silent.

"I don't think I'll ever like those two wackos," said Don.

* * *

"Noah and Owen, seasoned reality TV pros from Total Drama."

"Noah and I met way back on Total Drama Island," said Owen, "Since then, we've been on many other reality shows, like Meltdown Kitchen, Scare Factor, Fashionista Flip-Flop…"

"I don't know how you got on that one," said Noah with dry sarcasm.

"Ooh, it's gonna be lots of fun racing with my little buddy again," said Owen. He suddenly grabbed Noah and gave him a tight bear hug.

Noah couldn't breathe.

* * *

"Emma and Kitty, sisters, and friends of the Reality TV Pros."

"I still say the Race should be taken seriously," said Emma, "But although it's a competition, it'll be good to race with Noah again. Not to mention having a second chance to win the million and use it for law school."

"And it'll be so fun to see more of the world, meet hot guys again, and take selfies everywhere we go!" said Kitty.

"Don't forget to focus on the Race, Kitty," chided Emma.

"That goes for you too, Emma," retorted Kitty, "Noah will just be a distraction again, if you're not careful."

"That makes two of us," remarked Emma.

* * *

"Jay and Mickey, identical twins who are still facing all kinds of adversities that don't really exist."

"We finally figured out what comes before cursed," said Mickey. "I think it was called, 'hexed.' I'm hoping we don't get so hexed as we did last time. I especially don't wanna repeat the air guitar performance!"

"You said it, Mickey," said Jay, "Though I think if we made it as far as we did last time, we stand a good chance of getting hoo, hoo, hoo!"

Mickey stared at him. "The baby owl's still in your ear?" he asked.

Jay stared back. "Hoo, hoo, hoo!" he repeated.

* * *

"Stephanie and Ryan, daters, turned haters, turned daters again."

"We had a pretty rough time on the previous Race," said Stephanie, "But this time, if we have any fights, we won't let them get the better of us. This time, the Race and the competition are what matter to us."

"I couldn't have said it better myself, babe!" exclaimed Ryan.

"We're gonna win this time!" agreed Stephanie. They made out.

* * *

Two familiar ice skaters leapt out of the train. Their tight, plastic smiles are on their faces.

"Jacques and Josee, ice dancers, or as I like to call them, Silver and Bronze." Don chuckled.

"We've won both of the medals of failure," said Josee with a mix of a smile and a grimace, "But this time, we've learned from our past mistakes, and this time, we'll definitely come out on top and win the gold!"

"And then, we'll eat all the other racers alive, like the Buffet of Losers, and make them bow down to us," said Jacques, "Even that jerk Don will kneel before us!"

Jacques and Josee laughed evilly.

* * *

The Surfer Dudes hopped off next.

"Geoff and Brody, lovable surfer dudes, and the winners of the previous Race, back to attempt becoming Total Drama's first two-time winners."

"Great to be back, dudes!" said Geoff. "My girl, Bridgette, unfortunately, chose not to come again, though she was proud to see that me and Brody won the last Race. But my best bro still likes this Race, and he'll do anything to win, as long as we play fair."

"That's what we did last time, dudes," said Brody, "And we'll do it again, and maybe we'll make two million on this show!"

Geoff and Brody fist-bumped.

* * *

"Well, that's half of the teams, and all of those who took the train to get here," said Don. "The other half are arriving by walking, taxi, or other means."

"Dwayne and Dwayne Junior, bonded Father and Son."

"I'm relieved my Dad finally managed to get laser tattoo removal," said Junior.

"He, he, yeah!" agreed Dwayne, "This way, I don't have to worry about people laughing and mocking me all the time!" He took a drink of water, and promptly spat it back out.

"This isn't water! It's vodka! I don't drink, except wine on my wedding anniversaries!" Dwayne complained.

Junior looked at the camera and rolled his eyes.

* * *

"Sanders and MacArthur, ambitious Police Cadets who recently graduated from the academy."

"We came so close to winning last time, but we missed it by a hair," said Sanders.

"But this time, we're not taking any crap from anybody, and least of all, those ice-for-brains skaters!" said MacArthur passionately.

"But we'll keep respecting international laws, of course," said Sanders.

"I won't," said MacArthur.

Sanders glared at MacArthur.

* * *

"Chet and Lorenzo, reconciled stepbrothers."

"We're gonna be having loads of fun this time on the Race!" said Chet.

"And we'll be singing our theme song at every possible opportunity!" said Lorenzo.

They high-fived.

* * *

"Tom and Jen, fashion bloggers with impeccable taste and an eye for detail. I still say that's an exaggeration!"

"I hope we get farther than last time," said Jen, "I wanna see more countries, and discover more cool fashions, and work on my tan, my pride and joy."

"I'm planning on wearing my lucky fez hat," said Tom, "Except for that incident with the bats in Romania, after we were eliminated, it always brought us good fortune, and I want it to do that again."

* * *

"Rock and Spud, up-and-coming rock stars."

"It'll be a lot of fun, going on this Race again," said Rock, "And Spud wants to improve on his performance from the last Race."

Spud was silent and blank-eyed.

Rock looked at him. "We still have a little problem with his reaction time, however."

Spud blinked. "I won't let you down, man."

* * *

"Laurie and Miles, ambiguously vegan hippie-dippies."

Laurie and Miles helped a butterfly cross the busy street, like before.

"We're going to give another try at getting the money for our favorite causes," said Laurie, "But this time, we're going to be a little more aggressive, not letting Don or the other teams mock us or our efforts."

"I think it's good enough just to be ourselves and try our best," offered Miles.

"You're wrong!" Laurie growled, frowning at her friend. "Nobody's going to force me to eat meat against my will again! Hmmm? Mmmm!" She had a dreamy expression for a second.

Miles cringed.

* * *

"Mary and Ellody, scientific geniuses and highly knowledgeable geeks."

""We're following the old adage: 'If at first you don't succeed, try, try again,'" said Ellody with a smile.

"We're still hoping to give the money to astrophysics if we win," said Mary.

"Mary, don't be pessimistic," admonished Ellody, "We'll win this time."

"I think it's arrogance to assume we will win, no matter what," Mary argued.

"I hope we're not going to have a lot of arguments on the Race," said Ellody.

* * *

"Leonard and Tammy, dedicated Live Action Role Players, and my most dreaded team, personally."

"I've lost at rock bottom twice, and Tammy once," said Leonard, "But we're not gonna give up at claiming the precious Dragon's Eye."

"If you don't remember, that's Dwarfish for one million dollars," explained Tammy.

* * *

"And finally, Gerry and Pete, old friends and tennis rivals."

"We're still the competitive type," said Gerry, "Getting as far as we can in this Race, or at least farther than we did last time, will help us get back in the game."

"And more sponsorships," said Pete.

"If you have a wrinkle cream and need a sponsor, call his agent, just like last time!" said Gerry.

They both laughed.

* * *

The teams were now all gathered around Don.

"Hello, celebrity teams, and welcome back to The Ridonculous Race," he said. "Now before the Race begins, we have a little surprise in store for you all. Follow me into a large room under the train station."

The racers looked puzzled, but they followed him, as he said. They soon found themselves in a room full of strobe lights and a strange-looking machine.

"What's this, dude?" asked Lorenzo. "Are we doing some kinda disco dance before the Race?"

"Ha! Ha! Great one, Lorenzo!" Chet said. They high-fived again.

"This place makes me nervous," said Jay.

"It's full of adversity!" squeaked Mickey.

"It feels like a boiler room to me," remarked Taylor cynically.

"Actually, it's none of those things," said Don, "This machine is what should pique your interest right now."

"Whoa! Cool! What is it, Don?" asked Owen.

"It's a rare machine, which the Total Drama host, Chris McLean, helped me acquire recently," said Don. "We're going to use it for an interesting and amusing experiment on The Ridonculous Race, to kind of mix things up a bit, shake a few feathers, that sort of thing."

"Well, what's it called, and what does it do?" Emma asked impatiently.

"Chris and I call it, 'The Personality Swapper.' It switches personalities between two or more people, shifting each personality into the next person over," said Don. "Some viewers and I were interested in seeing you folks walking around in each other's skin, so to speak."

The racers stared with a mix of disbelief and disgust.

"Well, I can see that some of Chris' 'wackiness' is starting to rub off on you, Don," said Noah sarcastically.

"Is it like, magic?" asked an interested Leonard.

"No, it's not magic, wannabe wizard," said Don, "It's science and technology! Start living in the real world, for once!"

"I don't think Don is living in the real world either," said Ellody, "As fascinating as it sounds, we shouldn't be at the level of science to invent things like that."

"I agree with you, Ellody," said Mary.

"I think he's lost his mind," said Taylor.

"Yeah, Don," said Stephanie, "Stop showing us your stupid toys and let's get on with the Race! Time is a-wasting!"

"Lost my mind? Are you kidding?" said Don hurtfully. "You're right, time is a-wasting. Allow me to give all of you folks a demonstration, which I was about to do anyway. Now don't worry; this won't hurt a bit."

Don pushed some buttons on the machine's console and pulled down a large lever. Suddenly, the normal lights went out, and all the strobe lights came on. They started revolving and rotating, as the machine made some noise and seemed to emit some kind of scanner beams across everybody in the room. Everybody was transfixed by the light show, as Don had intended, and it went on for about one whole minute.

Finally, Don pushed the lever back up and pushed a button on the console. The strobe lights switched off, the regular lights came back on, and the noise stopped.

A loud fart was what broke the uneasy silence that came after.

"Owen, I don't think this is the time for silliness," said Noah. "You just grossed me out royal!"

"What's your problem?" said Owen, "It wasn't me! I think it was… Kitty!"

Everybody looked at Kitty, who grinned. "Sure feels good to break wind once in a while!" She blushed as everyone raised an eyebrow.

"Is there a toilet somewhere around here?" asked Emma, "It'll smell better there."

Now everyone was looking pointedly at Emma, Kitty, Noah, and Owen.

"Oh, this is so cool!" said Carrie, "But so frightening, too! Wait a minute, did I just say 'cool'?"

"I agree that it's amazing, Carrie," said Junior, "I wanna see who Devin became!" He stared at Carrie.

Devin stood and stared blankly.

"Um, are you all right, Devin?" Carrie asked with concern. "You look a little shabby."

Devin was silent.

"I don't believe this has happened to us," said Jacques.

"It's times like this I don't miss my grandmother," said Sanders.

"Oh, come on, Jacques!" said Josee in a macho voice, "You can see it happened! Now, where the heck are my glutes?"

"And I don't feel like I have a powerful mind," said MacArthur. "Though I reckon I can now break you like a stick figure, Josee!"

"Not if I break you first, cop-for-brains!" said Josee.

MacArthur squared off against her.

Miles moved her left leg and groaned. "My knee feels so artificial!"

Laurie looked at her and said, "You want knee relief, sis? Call a doctor, and he'll fix it up. Of course, that'll mean another $3,000 out of your pension."

"And $4,000 more out of yours!" retorted Miles. They both chortled.

"Hey, why is it I suddenly feel such a desire to save the Earth from slow destruction?" said Gerry.

"Maybe it's what we were meant to do with our lives," mused Pete.

"Hey, Lorenzo, do you know how many ounces are in 20 pounds?" asked Chet.

"320 ounces!" Lorenzo said promptly.

"Good. We still know our stuff!" Chet congratulated him.

Mary and Ellody frowned at each other.

"I don't get why I was ever friends with you, Mary!" Ellody said. "Your mother's such a jerk!"

"Hey! Don't call my Mom a jerk, you jerk!" Mary bellowed.

Ellody shoved her backwards. "I can call her whatever I want!"

Mary shoved her in return. "Over my dead body!"

Ellody tackled Mary like a football player.

"And I thought they were so sane," said Lorenzo.

"Yes," said Chet, "A few years of this, and they'll be on the streets, where nobody can learn much of anything."

Leonard just took this all in with disbelieving eyes. "Okay, this is probably the weirdest thing I've ever seen," he said, "And I've seen dwarves fight against dragons with their bare hands!"

"You've really got some issues to work out, wizard dude," said a frowning Don.

"Hey! Did you just say dude, dude?" asked Geoff. "I hope you're all right, man!"

"Oh, he'll be all right," said Brody, "But he's right. Those wannabe wizards freak me out, too!"

"Uh, oh," said Don, "I never intended for the machine to affect me, too. That stupid dude, Chris McLean, must've given me a false antidote! Dude, I'll show him someday!"

"So wait a minute, let me get this straight, dude," said Geoff. "Now, Don has my personality, Brody has Don's personality, and I have Brody's?"

"Looks like it, Geoff," said Brody.

"And everybody else got somebody else's personality?"

"Must be."

The horrors were still continuing. Jen was aghast to have tan skin instead of pale Goth skin. Crimson was aghast to have vice versa. Tom was acting like a rocker. Ryan was shivering with fear. So was Ennui. Rock was begging for Tom's fez. Stephanie glared at Ryan. Taylor looked like she was uncertain whether to hug her mother or hit her. And Dwayne and Kelly were looking at each other, Dwayne with an offended frown and Kelly with an uneasy grin.

"Uh, dad, are you all right?" Junior asked him.

"You've got to learn not to interrupt an argument, son," said Dwayne, "Even if I did spoil you when you were younger."

"What?!" exclaimed Junior, "You never spoiled me-"

"I think you'd better do as your pop says, kid," said Kelly, "I think he's not really the type to mess around with."

"Well, talk about weird!" said Taylor. "Why are you acting like such an ignoramus, Mom?"

"Yeah, this is going to be a fun Race, all right," lamented Junior.

"Devin, what's the matter?" Carrie implored her boyfriend, "It's like you've turned to stone!"

After about four seconds, Devin finally moved, and said, "Sure I'm fine, man!"

Spud said, "Who is this Shelley person supposed to be, anyway? I'd like to take her out on a date. And I'll do anything to make it happen!"

Carrie looked very annoyed to see that Devin's personality was swapped with Spud's.

"Okay," said Don, "Looks like we're all gonna have some adjusting to do. Now that I've done what we came to do, let's get back above ground and get started with the Race?"

"Hey, wait a minute!" Tammy said suddenly. "From the looks of things, Leonard and I haven't been affected by the machine at all. We still have our natural personalities."

"Amazing," said Leonard, "Maybe it's a miracle, Tammy. Maybe our magic protected us from the effects of that contraption! Huzzah!"

"Great!" Don mumbled to himself, "That can only mean that there's a glitch in the thing. That dude, Chris, can't even send me a machine that does the job perfectly! And if somebody had to be spared the effects of the Personality Swapper, it should've been me, not those weirdo LARPers!"

"Oh well, what can you do about it? Let's get on with the Race, dudes. Follow me!"

* * *

 **Here's the list of who swapped with whom, for those of you who couldn't figure out which racers each racer switched with:**

 **Mary - Lorenzo**

 **Ellody - Chet**

 **Gerry - Laurie**

 **Pete - Miles**

 **Noah - Emma**

 **Owen - Kitty**

 **Carrie - Junior**

 **Dwayne - Kelly**

 **Devin - Spud**

 **MacArthur - Josee**

 **Sanders - Jacques**

 **Geoff - Don - Brody**

 **Taylor - Stephanie**

 **Ryan - Mickey**

 **Jay - Ennui**

 **Jen - Crimson**

 **Tom - Rock**

 **Leonard & Tammy (un-swapped)**


End file.
